Local Wealthy White Cis Man to Brainstorm Times He’s been Discriminated Against


Faced with a tough college admission essay question, local wealthy white cis man Henry Ross is trying his hardest to brainstorm a list of times he’s been discriminated against.

The question, “Please tell us about a time you were discriminated against” has proved difficult as Ross could not initially recall a time that the deck has been stacked against him.

“Life’s always kind of always just opened its doors for me. Except like instead of just opening the door, life unscrewed the actual hinges and took the door off, just to make sure I didn’t accidentally close the door on my own.”

So far, Ross has the following list:

  1. Allergic to Cats
  2. Joyce Kelly said no when I asked her to Prom
  3. Was advised against running for President of High School Black Student Alliance

When we spoke with Ross, he was becoming slightly frustrated. “It’s just not fair, I mean my friend Arthur has parents who are Pakistani immigrants. That’s such a good one. He has it so easy.”

This isn’t the first time Ross has had to answer a question of this difficulty. In a 3rd grade homework assignment he had to “Recall a time you had to do something all on your own.”

Ross remembers that he found the perfect way to get around that question. He answered “Complete this homework assignment.” Although, in retrospect, Ross tells us that he actually had his parents help him come up with that.

When we asked Ross what he was going to answer on the admissions essay, he told us “I’ll probably just do the “answering this question” thing I did in 3rd grade again.”

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