So you want to wear an offensive Halloween costume, huh? This is the year? Well Dumbuzzfeed is here to help you offend, emotionally wound, and instill a crescendoing wave of nausea in as many people as possible!! Just follow these simple rules, and you’re well on your way to being a universally hated d*ckhead on this hallows eve.
1. CHANGE THAT SKIN COLOR!
- If you’re painting your skin a different color, stop what you’re doing right away…..and give yourself a big ole pat on the back, because you’re killing it!! Trust us. Nothing will offend better than callously crudely coopting someone’s racial identity.
- Tip: Remember that Halloween in 4th grade when everyone dressed like Harry Potter and it totally sucked!? Blackface is this year’s Harry Potter. Don’t get caught in the mainstream and maybe try a racist caricature from Southeast Asia?
2. MAKE LIGHT OF AN EVENT THAT CAUSED PEOPLE PAIN
Nothing cuts to someone’s core faster than having to relive an experience that damaged them or someone they love. We know what you’re thinking: “Well duh, but WHICH one should i choose?!” Don’t panic. We’ve taken it upon ourselves to curate a list of our top ten (in no particular order) most devastating and upsetting events in mankind’s history! We’ll leave it up to you to come up with the costume.
- The Holocaust
- Syrian Refugee Crisis
- Recent Police Brutality
- School Shootings
- Boston Marathon Bombing
- Sexual Assault
- Rwandan Genocide
- Hurricane Katrina
3. POST PICTURES ONLINE
What’s the point of being racist and offensive if no one knows about it? Make sure to whip out that smartphone and document your success when you’re at that special gathering of like-minded assh*les Saturday night.
Tip: Make sure to delete your social media accounts immediately after posting because, heads up, the world will quickly recognize you for the insensitive, self-absorbed, monster-like moron that you are and the consequences will be swift.
4. Trivialize Other Religions
Sometimes people get so hyped on being racist that they forget about a whole category of incredibly offensive and upsetting costumes: making fun of someone’s religion! Because remember that religion, which can be a sanctuary and guiding force for people in their struggles, TOTALLY IS a costume!!! Sexy Rabbi? Sexy Jesus? Sexy Prophet Muhammad? They’re ALLLLL good.
(FYI that costume IS available on Amazon so log into your parent’s Prime account and grab it quick!)
5. FIRST TIME?
Is it your first time being derogatory or disrespectful? Just want to get your feet wet? Don’t worry! There’s no reason to feel ashamed or scared. Remember, that’s how we want OTHER people to feel. Dumbuzzfeed has some starter kits/ideas for this exact purpose.
- Pocahontas: If Disney does it, then it can’t be racist! Dressing up as an American-Indian is such a safe form of racism that people even do it on Thanksgiving! So grab some feathers and shit, paint your face, maybe grab a sweater from Urban Outfitters and you’re all set!
- Head South of the Border: If a mainstream political party is insulting and denigrating a country’s entire population, it’s probably a safe place for you to start your own career in micro(macro)-aggressions. Grab that sombrero and the rest of your cinco de mayo supplies and say hello to “Señor Assh*le”.
6. Aggressively accuse anyone offended of “not having a sense of humor”
Now you’re all set. Get out there and enjoy yourself extra hard, because, as long as your around, no one else will!
Editors Note: We apologize if any of these pictures are triggering.