U.S. History as taught by Guy wearing this T-Shirt: American Revolution

Was your High School education lacking in aggression, homophobia, and insensitivity? We’ve got the solution. Please enjoy this groundbreaking Dumbuzzfeed educational tool:

Stay tuned for more History Lessons by Guy Wearing that T-Shirt.

Boston Tea Party:

“Basically these girly ass English tried to sell a bunch of BROston bros this tea and the bros said “bro we don’t want your tea” and they got all american on their asses: took a couple PBRs to the face, crushed a blunt, banged a couple 18th century co-eds and threw that nerd-piss in the bay. Fratstar cojones to the face.”

Crossing the Delaware:

“George Washington, the original bro, was basically just like winter is helllllllla gay, i’m not waiting for this sh*t I’m a bro. So he put on his chubbies, took a muscle-milk vodka slushie to the face, and went all american on their asses. (Don’t worry. the ultimate bro also remembered to pick up some buffalo wild wings for the BROarsmen)”

Boston Massacre

“Yo I didn’t read this chapter cause there was a Cops marathon on last night. Bros probably f**king stomped some french* p**sies or whatever”

Paul Revere’s Ride

“Last night at 2 Bro’clock in the morning me and my bros were 4 hours deep into some GTA and we f**king ran out of natty light. But the liquor store around the corner is weak as sh*t and closes at 1. Seriously not bro. But all of a sudden Bro demi-god Clark stands up, bro-hugs my d**k and says its handled. Then he fires up his 2012 Dodge Charger and rides 10 miles across town to the only open 7/11. Comes back with a 30-rack, no questions asked. That’s some Paul Revere swag.”

Declaration of Independence

“The Founding Fathers, the ultimate Frat, the original Expendables, got together and told England and France* to go 69 each other. John Hancock (

*Please ignore frequent conflation of France and England.

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