15 Best Lifehacks that only use a Confederate Flag

Hate the Confederate Flag? But still have some household chores to do? Well read on for some must-have lifehacks that will save you time and help to deface and destroy a horrible flag in the process!

Out of Toilet Paper?

Don’t panic. Cut a confederate flag up into small 6 square-inch pieces and get to work!

Note: You can even reuse the squares! Trust us, the Confederate Flag remains relevant way longer than it should.

Having trouble getting that fire started?

We’ve been there. Sometimes the wood is wet and it just won’t light! But fear not. The Confederate Flag burns like no other. And you don’t even have to feel bad about using too much of it because it’s a symbol of enduring racism and bigotry!

Out of Trashbags?

You know when you’re in the middle of cleaning out an especially stinky fridge and you realize you are plum out of trashbags? We’ve got your back. Just throw the Confederate flag on the ground, pile all the stinky disgusting trash on it, and then wrap it all up and head on down to the dumpster! This way you’ve saved yourself a trip because the Confederate Flag belongs in the garbage anyway!

Dog chewing on the furniture?

Did you and your roommates just get a new puppy? Want to leave them alone, but she/he is chewing on EVERYTHING??!! Well take a chill pill because we’ve got your solution. Just give that teething puppy a Confederate Flag and watch as they shred it to pieces over the course of 5 hours.

Note: Puppy may experience indigestion if they actually eat the Flag as it is made up of hard to swallow reminders about how this country was built on slavery.

Cat Scratching Everything?

See above note about Dogs.

Birds keep Crashing into your Sliding Glass Door?

Well, we don’t know quite how to stop that…and no one likes to pick up a dead bird! There’s bird blood and bird brains and maybe it’s covered in disease. Eugh. Gross! Plus whatever you touch the bird with is probably gonna have to be thrown away too. Well, you probably know where we’re going. Grab that Confederate Flag, wrap up that dead bird, and trot on down to your trusty dumpster. Plus, don’t feel bad because the only thing that’s more dead than that bird is the flag it’s wrapped up in!

Note: If you end up burying the bird out of respect, make sure you don’t bury the flag too. It should not be respected in any way.

Baby Diapers too Expensive?

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Are you a new parent trying to save money? Nothing eats into a college fund like Diapers! Dumbuzzfeed’s got your back. Grab a Confederate Flag and wrap it around your newborn’s bottom. It’s especially effective for any diarrhea disasters!

Note: Confederate Flag is technically worse than feces, so your child may actually end up dirtier than before.

Short on tampons?

We’re just kidding. No one should ever have to have the Confederate Flag inside them.

Doggie Doo-Doo Pickup Bags

This one is extra fun because if you have made use of the confederate flag doggie chew toy, then you’ll actually be able to pick up Confederate Flag excrement with the Confederate Flag!

Get carsick?

Everyone gets carsick sometimes: maybe the road is extra windy or you’ve been accidentally listening to conservative talk radio for too long. Either way, sometimes you just need to toss your cookies. Well (you might know where we’re going with this) grab that Confederate flag and just really let loose. There’s no better place to expel your stomach bile than into the physical representation of racial hatred and violence.

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