Dumb Sports Alert: Washington Redskins to Name Andrew Jackson as New Mascot

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A growing movement of Americans wants to replace Andrew Jackson on the $20 bill with the face of a woman. In anticipation of this change, Washington Redskins Owner Daniel Snyder has decided to take action. His football team has recently come under fire for using “Redskins” as their mascot, a term which is largely considered racist and offensive towards American Indians. Daniel Snyder, facing mounting pressure from fans, looked everywhere for a replacement.

“We needed something/someone that wouldn’t enrage everyone but would still pay tribute to the historical American tradition of  treating American Indians in the worst way possible. When I found out that Jackson was being booted from the $20, I knew he was my saving grace. I mean, everyone said I wouldn’t be able to top a dehumanizing racial caricature, but I think I did a darn good job”

President Andrew Jackson, nicknamed “Indian Killer”, was the force behind the Indian Removal Act which led to the Trail of Tears, a brutal forced march in which over 4,000 out of 15,000 Cherokees died from hunger, disease, and exhaustion.

“In the end, what matters is that we keep in mind the essence of our team name: ethnic genocide and socially-entrenched racism. I give you the Washington Andrew Jacksons.”

Dumbuzzfeed learned that Snyder also plans to hand out smallpox-infested blankets to its first 100 fans and slaughter a herd of buffalo for the halftime show.

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