Due to an overwhelming amount of requests, Dumbuzzfeed is announcing the launch of a new branch: Erotic Fan-fiction. For those who are not familiar with this type of literature, it is a brand of writing that operates within a world of a TV Show, Movie, Book, etc., with particular emphasis on the character’s existing/imagined sexual relationships. Dumbuzzfeed can no longer ignore this demand, and thus we present you with our first segment:
Academy Award Best Pictures: The Hurt Locker, The King’s Speech. (Alternate Titles: The Hurt Cocker, The King’s Spenis) (Please note these are only samples, you can purchase the whole works here).
Sergeant First Class William James (Jeremy Renner) stood, in his thick protective suit, staring at the bomb implanted in the trunk of the car. Temperatures had reached 102 degrees, and he was sweating inside the layers of kevlar and tough cloth. He was naked inside the suit, he always was. Increased his dexterity. So the sweat rolled down his chiseled jaw, with its light brown five o’clock shadow, dripping onto his rustic pecs and ab muscles that could have been cut from marble. The bomb was made up of long thick rods, the rusted iron hot to the touch. Bombs had always aroused him. So much potential. Building and building. Time ticking down to one final explosion. He was the best in the business. He felt his manhood start to grow, thickening with blood, pressing against the confines of the protective suit. His hands worked inside the cumbersome gloves, carefully examining the wires. He couldn’t do this, at least not in this suit.
Sergeant J.T. Sanborn couldn’t believe his eyes. “What is he doing?“, he couldn’t help but it say out loud. James was taking off his helmet. Sanborn watched as James slowly, almost sensually, removed the outer shell to reveal his moist, naked body. “He had been naked inside of the suit.” Sanborn started to radio him to tell him he had lost his mind when his eyes drifted down to in between James’ legs. Sanborn felt his own pants become tighter, as his pulse raced. Bombs had always aroused him. So much potential. Building and building. Time ticking down to one final explosion. And maybe, just maybe, he had found someone who felt the same…
Prince Albert, Duke of York (Colin Firth) was angry. He looked very handsome, in his tailored black suit, holding his matching black bowler’s hat. Lionel Logue had just bet him a shilling that he could not recite Hamlet’s soliloquy “to be or not to be”. He was insulted. A prince did not bet with the likes of Lionel. But then he looked over at his wife, Elisabeth (Helena Bonham Carter). Her eyes were pleading with him. She looked resplendent in her furs. He couldn’t help but notice the way her bust swelled underneath the soft fabric. They had not slept together in weeks, his sexual proficiency seemed somehow tied to his stutter. It was not for lack of trying. It was because of her that he agreed to the bet. Lionel handed him a headphones. “You must listen to this while you speak”. Albert agreed begrudgingly. Lionel was not classically handsome, but his pants did cling to his buttocks in an intriguing way. Albert put on the headphones, but he did not hear music. Instead, moaning. “Sexual moaning? And he recognized the voice. Was it…his wife?” He looked, shocked, over at Lionel and his wife, but they smiled and stared back. “They knew!” He began to speak, he did not know how.
“To be, or not to be- that is the question:
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer 1750
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them.”
As he spoke he felt his manhood grow. The faster he spoke, the bigger it got. He heard bombs in the distance. Must be a German air raid. Bombs had always aroused him. So much potential. Building and building. Time ticking down to one final explosion. He felt like a prince again…
Please stay tuned for more db Erotica