The Definitive guide to nailing your next job interview

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  1. Answer “The Great Gatsby” to every question
  2. Have your parents be high school friends with an executive at the company
  3. Don’t get boner (not gender specific)
  4. List as many special skills as possible on your resume
    • Make sure to list Conversational Spanish and Microsoft Office, even if you don’t know what they are. Employers just want you to have listed them; they don’t care if you know them.
  5. Talk about the first time you read “The Great Gatsby” and compare/contrast with the most recent time you read “The Great Gatsby”
  6. Wear the biggest watch you can find
  7. Wear nicest clothing possible so no one has to think about income inequality
  8. Talk about importance of client relations
  9. Talk about experience in client relations
  10. Talk about clients and how you relate to them
  11. Use the word optimization
  12. When asked about your greatest weakness, actually list a strength but pretend like you’re just being humble. They never see it coming. Like, say “My greatest weakness is that I work too hard.” Because then its like, “oh if that’s their greatest weakness, then they must be pretty great!!!!”
    • Alternative answer: “The Great Gatsby”
  13. When asked about a time you were in a leadership position, obviously talk about your fraternity/sorority. That way they’ll know you’re hot too.
    • Alternative answer: “The Great Gatsby”
  14. If they ask you what questions you have for them, don’t panic. It’s a trick question and is actually a test. Don’t say anything but maintain eye contact. This is when tip #3 is the most important.

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