Dumb News Alert: Academy of motion picture arts and sciences to hold separate but equal oscars

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The Academy has faced harsh criticism for virtually guaranteeing that the winning actors will all be white, and that the best director and screenwriter will be men. An Academy spokesman announced their new plan to fix the unfortunate situation: hold two Academy Awards shows, one for all the “regular” nominees, and one for all the “diverse” nominees.

“This way everyone gets an award. It’s perfect. Two totally equal award ceremonies in separate places. We’ll have the regular “Best Supporting Actress” and then we’ll have the diverse one too. Plus we’ll have twice as many water fountains.”

We called the NAACP for a response but the person on the phone just sighed heavily and hung up.

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